God has been growing me in the area of honesty. (Psalm 62:8) I have often felt like a “good Christian” should never doubt God or question anything He says. So, in an effort to appear “good” (because I thought that’s what would earn love and acceptance), I have rarely voiced my doubts or questions, especially to God. The funny thing is God already knows all my doubts and questions. Nothing is hidden from Him. (Hebrews 4:13) Through a conversation with Him the other day, I saw that my being honest with Him allowed Him to come in and heal me. The conversation (not audible, but in my heart & mind) went something like this:
Me: I can’t be good all the time. I try so hard, but I just can’t. I’ll never be good enough.
God: It’s okay. I love you even when you mess up.
Me: That doesn’t make any sense! Other people get mad at me when I mess up. I get mad at other people when they do something wrong. How can you love me and not be angry at me when I fail?
God: I’m not like you. I love you even when you’re bad. I can watch you do things wrong and not be mad at you. I’m just different. I give you the freedom to fail.
Me: But, how can you do that? I don’t deserve to be loved!
God: I am GOD. I AM love. That’s just what I do.