The weekend before Father’s Day my husband and I went camping. Everything that could have gone wrong did! We are now affectionately referring to the trip as “The Camping Trip from !??@#@#!
On the Friday morning that we were leaving I had returned home from running to find that Tony had decided that we would after all take the boat. That meant we had to wash it and make sure it was running before we headed out. It also meant that we would have to make two trips to the camp ground – one to take the camper and then one to take the boat. Well, what was supposed to be two trips turned into three because I had forgotten several other “key” items. So late that evening after everything was set up we decided to go put the boat in and maybe I could ski a bit. We ended up being plagued with boat problems the entire trip and me burning my leg while trying to help him fix it.
Then on Saturday evening after dinner while trying to work on the boat again our minature schnauzer named Nissi got in the trash and proceded to help herself to some corn on the cob. Now, that might not be a tragedy for you and your dog but for a dog with a very sensitive digestive tract it spells EMERGENCY! Sure enough….at 1:20 am Sunday morning she began throwing up. She threw up every hour on the hour just about all day Sunday. That afternoon we ended up in the Cobb Emergency Vet Clinic getting blood work, X-rays, meds for nausa, and fluids to prevent dehydration. After running up a nice bill they decided that there were no blockages in her digestive tract (thank goodness – that would have meant surgery and several thousands of dollars) so we were free to take her back with us. What we didn’t know is that her tummy was full of the cob broken in pieces that although they were too big to go through her digestive tract they had to eventually come up. So yes, she threw up corn cob for the next week. Seriously, Father’s day was the first day that she didn’t throw up after this whole ordeal. I think that had it not been for the “God Moment” that I had on Tuesday the whole thing would have just been a bust.
To explain the “God Moment” I have to tell you about getting the boat out of the lake on Monday evening before we were to pack up and head back on Tuesday morning. I usually drive the boat over to the boat ramp and drive it on to the trailer which is a “hairy ordeal” anyway but due to the problems we had I suggested that Tony drive the boat over and I would take the truck, hook up the trailor and back it down the ramp. I was a little nervous about this because it had been awhile since I had hooked it up by myself plus, I always have a hard time knowing if the trailor hitch is securely fastened over the ball. I knew I could not do this alone so I immediately remembered that Christ is to live His life out through me and so I was to let Him do this – not me. And wouldn’t you just know it…..He got the trailor hitched, backed down the ramp and back into the camp site driveway. Wow, I thought….”God, you were 3 for 3!” So, on Tuesday morning I am begining to pack up and keep an eye on Nissi as she is still throwing up and then Tony leaves to take the boat back with a truck load of camping gear. He calls me after being gone about 20 minutes to say that the trailor had popped off the hitch when he went over one of the speed bumps in the camp ground but thankfully this sweet man stopped and helped him pick up the trailor carrying the boat and put it back on the hitch. Well, I immediately had issue with God because I was trusting him to hook all that up through me and I just expected that it would be done right the first time. As I struggled with my thoughts later that day I was wondering why God didn’t come through. I felt like He let me down, I felt like a failure and that the whole camping trip was a failure but suddently….God spoke! I sensed that He began to tell me that all my life I have not only expected perfection from myself, I have demanded it. I never gave myself room to fail. Failure was not okay in my book. He said that failure is how we learn sometimes and that under His authority that there was room to fail and it was okay. It was as if I had been given freedom to fail for the first time in my life. I had always linked my Identity, others thoughts of love and acceptance of me to my performance. If my performance was perfect then I was okay but if I failed I was not okay and something was terribly wrong with me.
You can imagine what criticism does to us when this is how we operate. So now we can relax – in trying new things there is always a learning curve and we may make mistakes but we will learn and with Christ we are safe in Him. I hope that encourages you to be okay with trying new things because often times we will not try new things because we are afraid of failing. When our security is in Him our Identity is safe and secure and that is when it becomes okay to fail. God never wastes a failure but He always uses it for our good and His Glory. Wow….I feel better already!
Dana